Mommy-induced career changes

Waddling onto the set of the television series I was producing when I was 32 weeks pregnant, I had a rare moment of clarity. I was done with show biz. The brutal 5:30 a.m. call times, overpaid actors with their diva dramatics, the waves of exhaustion that swept over me... all before 9 a.m.

When this baby is born, I vowed, as I dealt with the twelfth crisis of the morning (the wardrobe assistant throwing a fit because there was no Swiffer mop in the dressing room), I was going to make some big changes, and not just ones involving stinky diapers.

As a freelancer, I wasn’t entitled to subsidized maternity leave. Most of the women I worked with had barely managed three weeks of newborn-induced bliss before hiring two shifts of nannies to raise their kids while they returned to their crazy lives as make-up artists, camera operators or set decorators. Watching their pale, haggard faces in the months before I gave birth, I knew that while giving up a good, albeit irregular salary would prove challenging, I couldn’t bear the thought of my kid being tossed back and forth during caregiver handovers.

So I took an unpaid, extended mat leave for 18 months, and you know what? It was way easier than anyone told me it would be.

After hearing new mothers around me over the years grappling aloud, wondering whether they wanted or needed to return to work, the choice seemed strangely obvious to me. Absent were the clouds of anxiety, doubt and fear over how to manage on one salary, or whether I would ‘lose my identity’. Instead, I felt... total relief. I even had the beginnings of a master plan: dust off my journalism degree, and go back to doing what I really loved.

One upside to non-stop shooting schedules is they don’t leave you with much leisure time to spend money on things like expensive shoes, or skim milk for that matter. So my sound recordist husband and I, poster children for frugal freelance living, managed to eke out a well-padded savings account with relatively little effort during my pregnancy. When you’re eating most of your meals on-set, and have zero energy to go clubbing, it’s pretty easy to sock away the cash. I also graciously accepted (okay, asked for) hand-me-down baby gear and clothing from relatives and friends, while hubby repainted my childhood bedroom furniture.

Once on mat leave, I met moms at the park who insisted they’d never return to the office, only to swing the other way months later, unprepared to give up that hard-earned spot on the corporate ladder.

Others who planned to take a quickie maternity leave found themselves quitting their jobs to wipe snotty noses full-time. I soon realized that the decision whether or not to return to work should stay open-ended, because you’ll probably change your mind dozens of times, usually in the middle of the night after you haven’t so much as napped in days.

I love working from home, taking on projects I’m interested in, while my three-year-old son thrives at a local pre-school. I tell clients I’m available from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m, which, to me, feels like a half-day.

As for feeling isolated, I relish the silence that envelops me when I’m alone in my home office, with nobody barging in expecting me to solve all of their problems. When I need company, I book a lunch with friends or colleagues, and marvel that I don’t (usually) have that telltale

‘I’m-being-pulled-in-five-different-directions-and-always-feel-guilty’ look.

If my son’s class is going apple picking, I’m the first mom to volunteer to help, because I set my own schedule. On my own terms. Now that’s balance.

To women agonizing over whether taking an extended parental leave is akin to committing career suicide, I say “So what?” Feel that fear, and do it anyway.

Wendy Helfenbaum is a freelance writer, television producer and mother at http://www.taketwoproductions.ca.

Editor’s note: Local writer, Teresa Eaton, has written a terrific book entitled Labour Pains. The book walks you through the decision of whether or not to go back to work. Take the time to read the book and allow it to help you make what is truly one of the most important decisions you will make as a mother. Find it at http://www.labourpains.ca.