Laughter: The best family medicine

When was the last time you and your child shared a big belly laugh, the kind that brings tears from your eyes and feels like an unstoppable train?

In all of the hustle of every day life, it’s easy to forget sometimes just how good it feels to laugh with our children.

Stan Shapiro, a psychotherapist and parenting expert who offers classes in Durham region, says laughing is one of the most important things you can do together. “Throughout the world, no matter what the culture is, there is always laughter,” he says. “Laughter is really a connection to other people.”

Shapiro says the purpose of laughter is to bring people together, “almost like an intimacy.”

“You know when you go into a theatre and you’re sitting alone and there are things that are funny on the screen, it’s not that funny because you’re alone,” he says. “Then when you’re with other people and the audience is all laughing and you’re laughing to, you feel connected. Even though you’re not talking with other people, there’s something in common with other people.”

He says humour is often found in things that go wrong or when mistakes are made – the person who slips on the banana peel, for example – which makes joking around a useful tool in the parenting kit.

“You step away from the serious side of it and you can see the other side of it,” he says. Of course, it can be much easier to make a four-year-old laugh than it is a teenager. Shapiro says that’s because we understand that making a silly face, for example, will make a toddler giggle. He says it’s important to keep finding that “thing” as your child gets older.

“Trying to understand how somebody looks at things, I think you have a better chance to bring up humor that would be connected with them,” he says. “With teenagers, because they’re more sophisticated, it’s more difficult to fit inside them to figure out what makes life funny for them.”

He says it is possible if you’re a good listener. Get their take on the world, ask them what they think is humorous and keep an ear out for their funny bone. Most importantly, share yours with them.

“If you don’t always come across as a serious, concerned parent, then a kid can be more open with you and even share their humor with you because you’re ready to laugh,” he says. “Even though it might not be your kind of humor, you can see the humor as it interests your kid.”

Laughter also keeps some of the daily tension and stress in families at bay. Your six-year-old spills milk and pretends to lap it up like a dog? Do you get outraged at the behaviour or laugh at the cleverness of the moment?

Shapiro says you laugh because it’s unlikely your child will make this his new method of drinking milk. Enjoy the moment and let laughter diffuse your frustration with yet another mess.

“There is really a lot to laugh at and the more you can laugh at that, it does take the tension away,” he says. “When you look back 20 years from now at the things you took so seriously, you’d be laughing about that then. So why not laugh at it at the moment?”

To prime the funny bone in your family, try these ideas:

1. Joke around: have one family member bring a joke to the breakfast table every morning. Use simple jokes with younger children, try word riddles and puns with school age kids.
2. Hold a silly poetry contest: Make it quirky and silly.
3. Learn each other’s laughs: every family member has a unique laugh. Turn off the lights and have each person laugh one at a time. Try to guess who’s laughing?
4. Let your child lead you in a play, dance or song.
5. Watch a funny television show or movie together.
6. Haul out the family photo albums and share some of your most embarrassing moments with them.
7. Do an impression and challenge them to do one too. Can they carry off a British accent through the entire dinner?

Of course, you’ll have to establish some boundaries which makes humor a great teaching tool. You don’t want to encourage mean-spirited or off-color jokes and, as funny as it may be at times, bathroom humor should be kept in check.
Now get out there and laugh!

For more tips and information, visit Stan Shapiro at www.practicalparenting.ca.