Are your kids addicted?

We’re not connecting with our kids. That’s the blunt message from B.C.-based occupational therapist, Cris Rowan. She says in the busy, stressful, electronic world of today, parents are not forming healthy attachments with their children, leaving the door to technology addiction wide open.

We’re not connecting with our kids. That’s the blunt message from B.C.-based occupational therapist, Cris Rowan. She says in the busy, stressful, electronic world of today, parents are not forming healthy attachments with their children, leaving the door to technology addiction wide open.
“Children need a connection,” she says. “They’re either going to connect to their parent or they’re going to connect to a technology because they’re so craving what every child needs, which is attention and positive reinforcement – all the sorts of things they get in a video game.”
Rowan says families are often so disconnected today that technology becomes a child’s haven – a place where they feel important. She commonly sees three types of attachment disorders:
• Avoidant attachment: The parent simply isn’t there. Working long hours or hiring nannies to be with the kids 24/7 are all forms of avoidant attachment.
• Ambivalent attachment: The parent is with the child all the time, but only in a caretaking, not loving, way. “The uneasiness and guilt around an ambivalent parent’s failure to attach to their child can result in a buying spree of the latest and greatest toys, TVs, iPods, cell phones and videogames,” she says.
• Disorganized attachment: The parent fluctuates between the two and the child has no predictability.
“The three critical factors for child development are to move, touch and connect,” she says. “We live in a society that is failing miserably to meet these critical needs.”
Rowan says the average elementary-aged child spends 6.5 hours a day watching television or playing video games, with about 65 per cent of them watching TV in their rooms.
At the same time, she says meaningful conversation between parents and children has dropped to 3.5 minutes per week. Rowan says all of this has led to what she calls a triple disconnect, from self, others and nature.
Self identity is tied to what children do. Today she says that’s often formed by TV and video game characters. The relationship with others breaks down because they’re not talking, playing – and, yes, even arguing – with others. Finally, with so much time spent indoors, Rowan says children are no longer connecting with the touch and feel of the world around them.
“Parents’ perception that the world is unsafe keeps children indoors,” she says. “Parents need to remember back to the days when they used to do imaginary rough and tumble play and teach these skills to their children.”
Rowan has created Zone’in, a series of workshops aimed at helping children connect, learn and grow. She promotes the concept of “energy in must equal energy out.” For every hour spent using technology, a child needs to spend one hour riding a bike, kicking a ball, walking the dog, shooting a puck, etc.
“A lot of kids are movement deprived,” she says. “There’s a lot of stuff that happens during this type of play where the touch system is very stimulated and gives kids a sense of knowing where there body is. There’s also that connection piece: the eye contact and the verbal exchange.”
Rowan says families often have the perception that it’s other people’s children who will get addicted to technology – not their own. They’re wrong.
“If family life is centred around technology, with little or no meaningful conversation between parent and child, they should be extremely concerned,” she says. “This includes televisions in cars and bedrooms, takeout dinners in front of the TV, etc.”
She advises parents to look for moments where they can connect with children: when tucking them into bed, driving to activities, at the dinner table or playing games. She leaves a deck of cards on her coffee table for those moments when no one is busy.
“It’s always there,” she says. “What comes out during that time is always something about my daughter’s day.”
Rowan says there are warning signs of addiction (see sidebar) and, fortunately, something parents can do about it.
She rarely recommends families go cold turkey. Instead, she suggests they first unplug for a week and write down everything from their feelings to what they did to replace the technology void.
Next, she gets them to reintroduce the technology slowly and with parameters, such as the energy in/energy out rule. At the same time, Rowan encourages parents to make their home a “haven,” rather than letting technology do the job.
For more tips and information, visit www.zonein.ca.