Sleep is elusive for me

Sleep is elusive for me. My two year old still does not sleep through the night.

Why is a good night’s sleep so elusive for me? Because according to most experts, I am a lazy, permissive mother who will not let my child ‘cry it out’. I just open my arms, and hoist her up onto my bed night after night and she sleeps well past 7 a.m. or I join her in her bed and fall asleep with her.

Most mornings I am a walking zombie and it’s my own fault. Apparently, according to many, many experts, all I have to do is look in the mirror to find out why I am not getting the sleep I need. My approach is short-term and ineffective.

After nearly five years of interrupted sleep, I have tried nearly every trick in the book — except one.

The SuperNanny Jo Frost instructs me to follow my normal routine, then tuck my daughter in bed and sit on the floor. Don’t talk to her, don’t offer her any stimulation or reward. I do this and she falls asleep quickly, as usual.

Fast forward to four hours later. She is strolling into my room looking for me. I say nothing, escort her back to her room, place her in bed and sit on the floor again, following the earlier routine. Sitting on the floor evolves into lying on the floor, which evolves into waking up at 7:30 the next morning with an aching back.

Jo Frost insists that you should not talk to the child, and over time, gradually remove yourself from the room. It works in five days on TV so what am I doing wrong?

I decide that The Supernanny is not working for me. Because I have to get up and and go to work each morning, I can’t spend my nights sitting on my daughter’s floor. I do realize, however, that I can’t let her sleep in my cosy queen-size bed for the rest of her life.

I resolve to try Alyson Schafer’s method. She has a section on her wesbite, alyson.ca just for me, entitled “I want my bed back.” Her method resembles Frost’s but differs significantly in a few areas. Once my daughter awakes in the night, I should walk her into her room, say nothing, get her into bed and leave. I’ve tried it. Five minutes later, little Cindy Loo Who is at my bedside. I should then walk her back to her room. I’ve done this five times in one night. All the while thinking about everything I need to do the next day.

According to Schafer I am to explain to this sweet two year old (master manipulator) that ‘mommy’s bed is not her bed’, that she has her own bed to sleep in (a cute little princess bedroom that we know she loves). I am to explain that in no uncertain terms is she to come into my room at night. (Have any of you tried to reason with a toddler?) Then I am supposed to close the door and if she gets up, let her cry. If she is not in pain, let her cry. I tried this for about one minute and I couldn’t bear it. It tore my heart out.

Apparently, she will learn to stop crying and just go to sleep. Well, I can’t do it. I know some moms can do it but not this one. Some can close the door, I can’t. Maybe I have abandonment issues I need to deal with but I can’t imagine how a two or three year old feels to cry and not have anyone answer them. So I say to myself: ‘what’s the harm, at least she sleeps in my bed.’

Growing frustrated with all of these sleep training methods, I have now moved on to Anne Douglas. Her book, Sleep Solutions, offers a variety of options and hers seems to be the one that may work best for me and my family. It is the most humane but I still am not convinced of its effectiveness. I’ll check back with you next month to let you know how the sleep training is going.

If you have any suggestions or ideas of your own, e-mail me at tmckee@durhamregion.com