Fill your cup with a little bit of innocence

My 80-year-old grandmother had a stroke last month, days before her 80th birthday. Her loss of memory and sight has brought my life into perspective. My own mortality is beginning to set in and the urgency of living the fullest life has hit me.

While my grandmother remains in hospital, fully dependent on the care of others, I wrote to her. I wrote of memories I have of her, of a life I had with her that she will never remember. I wanted her to know that all my memories of her are good ones and that I am so grateful to have had her in my life. More importantly though, this has taught me a valuable lesson about living life on autopilot.

While, we all know life is not a dress rehearsal, sometimes, we drive too quickly over speed bumps to get where we want to go. While we don’t get a second chance at living life, sometimes we are lucky enough to get a do over of certain events.

That said, I had an interesting evening in April. I was reading for work, and my son was rustling a grocery bag....which was nearly as annoying as nails on a chalkboard. I asked him to stop. He refused, clearly wanting my attention. I asked again for him to stop, he wouldn’t. So I took the bag away and reprimanded him. Nice example, Mommy.

My son, turned to me and said: “Mommy have you lost your sense of humour because you are no fun after 8 o’clock?” It was a ‘touché moment’— a moment when a child holds a mirror up to you so you can see yourself clearly. Instantly, I wanted a do-over.
I stopped what I was doing, turned to him and gave him a huge hug. I apologized for not giving him my attention, for losing my temper, and began paying attention to the Pokemon movie he wanted me to watch with him.

Most of their efforts are really just to get my attention but whenever one of my kids offers me a “touché moment”, as I call them, I am humbled.
 I am proud of the fact that my children feel safe and strong enough to state their truth. It says a lot for their character and it inspires me to do the same.
There are, however,  several points I am driving at here:

1 It takes conscious, real effort, every single minute of every day, to live in the moment. To step away from the chores, the work, the extracurriculars, the list of what has to be done to have fun.
2  We don’t get a second chance with our children. Once they reach a certain age, their memories are intact and they add up every day. Try to make those memories good ones, just like my grandmother did. I always knew that she was proud of me, because she never failed to tell me.
3 Don’t be afraid to say you’re sorry. Sometimes when my children and I have a rough go of things. We look at each other and say: ‘I’m sorry, can we start over?’ And that is just what we do. So maybe we do get second chances...

As a parent, every day is a learning experience. A lesson in patience, in fun, in spontaneity, courage and discipline. If any of us had it all figured out there wouldn’t be so many books telling us what to do.

While driving home, listening to my favourite CD,  I came to a conclusion. If your cup is half full, then fill it. Do the things that matter most: cherishing your yourself, your children, your family, your friends, your partner because once they’re gone, you won’t get a second chance.
What about taking this empty cup and filling it up with a little bit more of innocence...I haven’t had enough. It’s probably because when you’re young, it’s okay to be easily ignored... I’d like to believe it was all about love for a child...

— Jason Mraz