Kids are a lot like library books

I’ve thought about it and I’ve decided that it’s a fact. Kids are like library books. First of all, there’s a huge variety of them. They come in various shapes and sizes. Thick and thin, bright and dull. Some are attractive to look at and others, well, not so much. Some are clean and tidy, and others are smeared with jam and earwax. Some are in a bad state and need a lot of TLC, and others are so new I’m almost afraid to touch them.

If you check them out for awhile, they will teach you a lot. Things like just how long you can drive in a car with two screaming children under the age of five. Or how much it costs to buy their silence with gummy bears and Skittles. In the end, the most valuable lesson is just how long it takes to clean up the mess that gets left behind in that SUV after a long winter of making that trip each and every day. And that’s only to the babysitter’s place and back!

The most valuable lesson about library books, and kids for that matter, is that if you keep them long enough, you will pay fines. Those fines will seem small at first, but they will add up over time. I’m not talking about the big stuff like diapers, food, or even university tuition. I’m talking about the small costs.

Exhibit A:
It was funny. Not funny, haha. Funny, weird. The backyard pool seemed too warm when I plunged my big toe in. I was just getting ready to goop up the kids with sunscreen and shout “everybody in” when I decided to check to see if the water was warm enough. Warm enough? It was boiling hot! I checked the little polar bear thermostat and it showed 94 degrees. This was a swimming pool, not a hot tub! I called my 10-year-old son Nick over to ask him about this.

I don’t know what gave him away. It could be the fact that he took off like his feet were on fire as soon as my toe touched the pool. Guilty as charged. It seems he found it chilly yesterday when he went swimming, so he decided to turn up the heat. This is no small feat at our place. The dial is at the side of the house and positioned to be out of the way of ten year old hands. Nevertheless, he figured it out and decided to make it right! Right, to the tune of a $200 gas bill the next month. Yes, I guess it is a small thing, but it sure cost us big.

Exhibit B:
We thought it was sweet. Our youngest son used to hide things all over the house. He enjoyed hide-and-seek as much as any four-year-old and often we’d find his toys in places we’d least expect. One day, his dimpled cheek emerged from around the corner of the bathroom door and a devilish smile accompanied it. Exactly at that moment, we heard a glug, glug, whoosh. He had flushed and flushed to no avail. Those plastic dinosaurs would just NOT come back up from that toilet bowl. They were disappearing and they would not return no matter how many “Olly Olly Oxen Frees” he shouted at them. For $225 though, the local plumber could rescue them from their brief swim. Even better, when the plumber had to come back again the very next week, he gave us a repeat customer discount.

Yes, I definitely feel that these little human beings are like library books. Mine are the special ones though. The ones you are only supposed to check out for two weeks, but you end up keeping forever. The ones you never want to return. Like an excellent Dr. Seuss story, a Winnie the Pooh tale or a Goodnight Moon picture book. Whatever it costs me in fines, I refuse to return these particular ones. No way, no how, you cannot make me. No matter what. Unless of course, they forget to pick up their socks, take out the garbage or clean up their rooms. Then all bets are off and it’s off to the local library on the next amnesty day.