It really is simple mom

Michele Borba begins her book 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids with a few direct and telling questions for moms:

“Are you at all concerned that the complicated and demanding roles we’re playing, however unintentionally, are being dictated to us by somewhere else, by some expert or guru or lady down the block?” she writes. “Do other feelings bubble up? Is there a little voice in the back of your head that’s asking, ‘What are you doing? Do you really think this is right? So what if everyone else is doing it – why are you doing it to? Does mothering have to be so difficult?’ Do these mothering roles and frantic activities represent our authentic selves, our core beliefs, our basic maternal instincts and intuition, what we know is right for our unique and special kids.”
Parents can’t help but be bombarded with parenting advice these days, even from columns like this one. (Of course, my advice is always the best.) Couple all the pressure to be the perfect parent with the inevitable “keeping up with the Jones’s” and it’s no wonder we live in a society filled with what Borba calls over parented kids. By “over protecting, over rescuing, over scheduling and over rewarding” our children we’re putting them under way too much stress and spoiling them. According to Borba, moms are feeling all the stress, too. She cites a survey in which 70 per cent “admitted that mothering was ‘incredibly stressful’ and one third said that if they were to do it again, they would not start a family.”
Which is where the 12 Simple Secrets come in. Borba surveyed thousands of parents, asking for parenting advice, and came up with what she describes as “The 12 Simple Secrets of Real Mothering.”
These “secrets” are excellent little reminders that we should take a step back every now and again and evaluate what we’re doing as parents. Do you compare your children’s schedule with other parents? Don’t overschedule is one of Borba’s first bits of advice. Are you doing things for your children that they could do alone? Do you spend lots of time rescuing and apologizing for your child? It’s important to recognize what kids can do and to make sure you’re not being overprotective. How organized are your kids? Teaching good organizational skills will be an invaluable lesson for your child as they grow up. Do you expect your kids to be perfect? Learning from your mistakes is one of the most valuable lessons we can provide, but for some reason we don’t seem to promote that process as much as we should.
Borba doesn’t just focus on kids in this book, though. Her final “secret” focuses specifically on mom: “A mother who takes care of herself holds together her happy family.” It’s important that mother’s remain balanced and take care of their own needs so that they “feel rejuvenated so they have the strength to nurture and guide their children.”
It’s all very good advice, advice that will intuitively make a lot of sense and help you answer those telling questions about what you’re trying to do as a parent.