Moms: Find time for books after having kids

Of all of the tips given to me as a mother, the best gem has been this: read while you are cooking. Those words came from my friend Freda, whose boys are now 17 and 21, and whose library puts Chapters to shame.

Freda told me she has always read while cooking “…because people will leave you alone if you’re doing something for them.” Once everything is simmering, she just stirs – and reads.
Reading was a passion before the kids came along (I can see you nodding your head), but the birth of my first son sent me into a rapid literary descent. It began when I dropped books in favour of magazines. That eventually gave way to a quick glance at the weekend newspaper, until finally the only reading I was doing was in waiting rooms – and the June 1997 issue of People doesn’t really count, does it?
Feeling like every sign of intelligence was being sucked out of us, my friends and I formed a book club to reignite our literary flame; kind of like the buddy system you use to get yourself out running at 6 a.m. in mid-winter.
Since then, I’ve fallen in love with books all over again. I pack a book with me everywhere – not just in the kitchen. It’s a way of sneaking in “me” time whenever I can.
Annette O’Toole is a bookworm for much the same reason. The Brooklin mother of two teaches kindergarten, belongs to a walking club, has several hobbies – and belongs to not one, but two, book clubs. How does she do it?
“It’s like exercising. People say they don’t have time but you have to get yourself up and do it,” she says. “There have been plenty of times where I’ve felt tired and thought ‘I’m just going to read for 10 minutes.’ Then two hours have passed!”
That’s not to say there aren’t times when O’Toole flakes out to watch taped Oprah shows; but most evenings, you’ll find her behind a book.
“As a parent, you spend your whole day doing things for other people and always putting yourself last,” she says. “I love my children desperately, but I love putting them to bed and knowing they’re tucked in, nice and quiet, and just sitting down and concentrating on me.”
Reading also takes O’Toole to a place outside of her everyday world and challenges her to think in new ways.
“You kind of feel like you’re learning something new with a lot of books,” she says. “The nice thing about a book club is that I read a lot of books that I wouldn’t normally choose. Some I love, some I hate, but at least I’m reading something different.”
While reading restores her, O’Toole says book clubs give her energy. On top of the motivational aspect, there are deep friendships that come with sharing thoughts and ideas.
“The nice thing about a book club is that you connect with people,” she says. “You talk about your kids but you also connect with people in another way and get to know them well, so that you can really, truly call them a friend versus just the lady you chat with at the park.”
So how do you get yourself away from the tube and back at the books? Forming a book club is a great first step. Talk to friends or call your local library to see if anyone is looking for new members. Decide on a consistent meeting date, share your book ideas and away you go.

Good book shortlist
In order to be a better mom to your children, it’s important to enrich your mind and broaden your horizons. Books are a terrific way to do just that — and we’re not recommending more parenting books. Here are a few of our favourites:
• “Fall on Your Knees” by Anne-Marie MacDonald
• “The Tiger Claw” by Shauna Singh Baldwin
• “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn” by Betty Smith
• “Middlesex” by Jeffrey Eugenides
• “The Birth of Venus” by Sarah Dunant
• “The Glass Castle” by Jeannette Walls
• “Under the Tuscan Sun” by Frances Mayes
• “A Prayer for Owen Meany” by John Irving
• “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood” by Rebecca Wells
• “While I Was Gone” by Sue Miller
• “About Alice” by Calvin Trillin