Pros and cons of coaching your child’s team
You registered your child for soccer and a week later, received an email requesting more coach volunteers.
Do you jump in with both feet and then outfit them with your first pair of cleats? Or do you count on the goodwill of the countless other men and women who will inevitably come forward to coach youth sports?
There are definite benefits to coaching your kids but also unique challenges aspiring parent coaches should keep in mind before making a coaching commitment, say local Durham coaches.
“The biggest challenge is establishing a somewhat changed relationship between you and your child,” says Whitby resident Maria Brooks, who coached all three of her daughters’ soccer teams last summer for the first time. Her husband Paul has been coaching their daughters’ hockey teams for the past four years as well.
“I had to find a way to make my daughters understand that on the field I am their coach and I need to be fair to the whole team and give everyone equal time and opportunity.”
As a parent watching she was their “fan” but as a coach felt she should control how much she cheered for her own child. That can be difficult for children to understand and may not always seem fair to them. Her four children are now age nine and under.
“I would sometimes feel frustration when it was my child not listening, or having a meltdown. My children needed to find a way to share me with the team,” said Brooks, who is a teacher, by trade.
Dave Purdy, a coach of over 25 years, agrees it is not always easy, as much as he loves coaching his son and daughter in their many teams over the years.
“(Your own children) see you as their parent and are willing to test the boundaries or rules set out by the team where other team members understand and accept the rules,” said Purdy.
For Purdy, coached his son’s Tier II rep baseball team this spring and was assistant coach of his daughter’s Novice A rep hockey team, a challenge for some parent coaches may be reigning in criticism of their own child’s athletic performance.
“I think most parent coaches go out of their way not to show favouritism towards their own child to the point of being too critical of their performance,” he said.
The great benefit of coaching them comes from watching them grow as people while being part of something they truly enjoy, says Purdy.
“Watching the look on their face when they finally acquire a skill they have been working on” makes it all worthwhile, he adds.
His inspiration to coach comes from the many dedicated and talented people he has encountered playing and coaching sports.
“You can’t help but be inspired by quality people who give so freely of their time. To this day I am still inspired by great coaches I have the opportunity to meet,” he said.
Just don’t expect to make everyone happy when you don the coaching hat.
“Some will like your coaching style and some won’t,” Brooks said, adding she has received only positive feedback from parents. “Just try to remember that you and the kids should be having fun and learning…Paul and I coach our children because we enjoy it. We will continue to do so for as long as we are needed and are able to do so.”
Susan Kitchen, executive director of the Coaches Association of Ontario, agrees that creating a fun and enjoyable sporting experience are keys to coaching success.
“Parents need to know a bit about the sport but a lot of it is about good communication and aiming to create a positive experience for everyone,” she said.
While coaching your children can prove to be a “tricky role” as it can sometimes create awkward situations, it is a great way to be involved in your child’s life and nurture a positive attitude about lifelong fitness and sports, she said.
Brooks advises aspiring coaches to also recognize the time commitment involved. It isn’t limited to the game time on the field. There may be paperwork, communication with the league, coaching workshops and certification courses, calls to parents for cancelled games, picture days, and sometimes practices.
“You need to be organized to make sure you have everything for the game…and remember to get your own child ready,” she says
Coaching tips:
- See children not just for what they can do now but for what they can be. Be positive about their potential and recognize age appropriate development. Their attention spans may be shorter or longer than you think.
- Make a commitment to learning more about coaching and the sport. There are many resources, courses, certification workshops available. Network with other coaches to get tips like how to set up practices, etc. Check out their website www.coachesontario.ca for more information.
- Focus on fun, fair play and fundamental movement skills.
- Provide positive feedback. Have 10 different words or phrases in your coaching toolbox that convey positive messages to players. Saying “good job” in different ways connects differently with different people. This maximizes the opportunity to connect with all players and instills confidence.
- Be organized. There may be more behind-the-scenes responsibilities than meets the eye.