Surviving a shared family vacation
By Danielle Harder
Imagine this vacation: six kids, between the ages of three and 10, in one small house for 10 days. You're not hearing the "vacation" part of this, are you? Well, every summer, my sister and I are living proof that you can survive a shared holiday with a little advance planning, a tricky bit of diplomacy and a good sense of humour.
There are many perks to our annual get togethers. We each have built-in babysitters, we split the cost on many things and, best of all, our kids make great memories together. It wasn't always this rosy but, over the years, I've talked to other parents in similar situations to find the key to peace and happiness on a shared vacation. Some of them have been brave enough to head south with another family, others have shared camping trips and some share space with in-laws every weekend at the cottage (something we also do with my husband's family).
Here's a list of tips and ideas gleaned over time:
Finding Mr. and Mrs. Right
A key factor to a successful, multi-family vacation is actually enjoying the company of the people you're with. It might be a good idea to try a mini-vacation first. Spend a day at the zoo or Wonderland. If you can survive that, there's hope. But if you quickly realize that you're a gourmet restaurant family and they prefer McDonald's, you may have a problem.
Likewise, pay attention to how they discipline their kids and consider whether you can live with that for a weekend - or longer. If their kids are night owls and yours go to bed by 7:30 p.m., you may need to chat.
Plan Ahead
This is the part where you have to communicate. Talk about who's bringing what meal or, if you're headed to a vacation destination, how you plan to approach meals. Will you eat in your hotel for breakfast and eat the other meals out? Or will you be picnicking along the way? How will you share costs? My sister and I plan a menu well in advance, and the host does the shopping, then we split the bill.
It's also important to agree on things such as bedtime, discipline (is it okay to discipline each other's kids?), amount of travel you'll tackle in a day, even things such as how many pee breaks you'll take. Talk before you start harbouring resentment.
We're So Happy Together...Aren't We?
You've thought of every potential for conflict and three days into your brother's visit, his kids are eating in your living room, running through the house with their shoes on and leaving grubby fingerprints on your walls.
You'll need to talk. Get it all out before your relationship is scarred. Explain your house rules but also understand that every family has its own guidelines and for this one week, or weekend, you may have to do a bit of lip-biting.
This is also a good time to find space. Just because you're on vacation together, doesn't mean you have to be together 24 hours a day. One of my friends has a rule: mornings are family time, afternoons are group time. Even kids need a break from each other.
Finally, be flexible. You might want to see every museum in Ottawa, but the kids may only be up for a trip to Parliament Hill. Decide what's in the best interest of harmony.
Time is of the Essence
One thing my sister and I discovered early on is that a perfect visit for us lasts 10 days. Anything shorter and there are tears when it's time to go; anything longer and we've found the kids sniping at each other. Ten days in the summer, and four in the winter, seems to keep the peace.
If you're likely to go on vacation with this family again, find out how long you're compatible for - or ask others who have shared a multi-family vacation for their advice.
You've Got to Laugh
Finally, you're going to need a good sense of ha-ha to handle a shared holiday. Once, on vacation with my sister and her husband, we almost ran out of gas because the guys assured us "there's cheaper gas ahead." By the time we found a station (and saved a whopping one cent a litre), her boys, both still toddlers, were screaming with hunger. Somehow, we found the ability to laugh and still reminisce about that day. There's no sense ruining a lifelong friendship, or family bond, over a few short days.
If you accept well before your departure that anything better than a holiday reminiscent of Chevy Chase's "Vacation" is a good holiday, you'll be just fine.
Danielle Harder is a freelance writer in Whitby, who also teaches healthy eating cooking classes. You can reach her at danielleharder@rogers.com
10.07.07

